Confession

I hav too many bottled up emotions i wan to tell...after looking @ her...i wan to be there for her, lent her my support...always be with her

I went back to the platform, hoping i can find something or anything, if i do lost it on the way back when im drunk like f.

i send an sms, confess to her. I cant bear to c her cry again.

I went to her place next morning, she replied. I want to c her, accy her to her work place, her new role. I want her to feel nothing wrong has taken place yesterday, all is good. Im willing to wait for her.

When i asked abt the smses, she say she deleted it accidently and ask me what is it about. There was a awkward silence that i cant think what to say.

Why i didnt say it out? Cos i know i was drunk? Or cos i dnt have the balls to say it out, using sms to test the water? F...im not like this

Im now jobless, im not rich, im jus a simple joe...n i know her expectations.

All i want, is jus let her know i like her n do i have the chance to court her.

She convey the answer to me very well. Lets be friends, her indirect answer.

2nd time

i saw her drunk...n its bcos of the same similar reason.

Im too selfish..i didnt anticipate it coming...i have my own problems, drinking, getting myself drunk...i didnt look out for her....she has her gfs and friends to protect her....but....

im hopeless. I dnt own a transport, i dnt remb her address, only know how to walk to her place....crap...what sort of guy u r...

only know how to hug, take advantage of a gal. yr favourite gal. She let me hug her, i almost want to kiss her...we r both drunk

When i reach her hse, i saw the saddest face ever, her eyes were close, her lips were almost n, she cried...bcos of the reason i know.

Y cant she b happy. She kept meeting the wrong guys.

A drink

She came back today and I asked her out for a drink nearby. I be so much wanting to see her so badly...i really miss her.

It was great to see her. Her happy self. Her smile, her eyes, her everything. It was like winning the lottery,

Listening to her stories, looking @ her eyes, making fun of her. She is so cute.

She will be working in the diff shift, leaving to another team. She wanted to accompany me till i left this coy...all e way...i believe she really mean that...but knowing me, i will not allow her to do that..there is no reason to torture her self, sacrifice her rest for a mere me...

M i more than a friend, can i be more than a friend...or m i just a friend who need her more than ever? Most probably its the latter.

I just want her to be happy, to be comfortable with me. I just want that. And i think she is happy tonight.

Live for the present, the moment, cherish the time together, that's all i care being with her.

Xmas

Can't zzz. Thinking abt hw e year will end.
I be leaving jus a week b4 Xmas n 2 weeks b4 her bday.

Jus wan to be there w her during these times. But I won't.

Bz making her gift. Can't get the technique right. Can I get it ready b4 Xmas?

Miss her

Wondering what she is doing nw?

I wan to knw but I cant find out cos there is no reason.

Feel like chasing her shadow. It seems I can nv reach there.

Pushing my boundaries, pressing my buttons, becoming a better me

That's her effect.

I can only be there for her when she needs me, but not when I want to

Unconditional love is difficult cos all u do is give, n expect nothing in return.

Whats tough

is that I have to assure myself its a temporary set back, where u believe u have control over where you are going, where you are heading.

When future isn't unsure, confidence will fade, you will begin to doubt yourself. It is time at this, character will be tested, boundaries will be tested.

I need to be strong. Strong. Strong.

Mixed feelings

I have no control over when the company wants me to leave. I wasn't given any choice. Its just business, not personal.

What i dislike its coated in many empty promises and expectation. It feel deceiving.

But i'm still glad to have the chance to join this company, cos i get to meet her. I have to fail so many chances before, just to have this chance, to meet her.

I'm glad. With her, i realize what does it meant to really love a person.

That is something way harder to find than in a job description.

My video present is getting more polish. I have to say its only passion driven will the work produced be perfect. Cos all u think of is for that someone special.

I have planned another gift for her Xmas, but i may have to create it earlier because i doubt i have chance to see her again.