Its a movie quite some time ago. Written by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.
There is this scene, a converation between Robin Williams and Matt Damon.
Robin kept on repeating this line, " It's not your fault."
Matt Damon reply, "I know"
Robin kept on repeating, Matt kept replying the same answer, till he break down.
I realise some messages need to be convey repeatly to get the other party realise how serious we meant it and how it meant to us deeply in a serious manner. Even when Robin is actually talking to Matt in the show. This line: " Its not your fault" seems to be directed at me, and subconsiously, tears flow down. I can remember several instances where i am at fault, as judge by others, but few understand the real causes and reasons of why is it so. But most of it, i believe another reason is also i often find it hard to forgive myself too.
The self-defeating feeling i can describe it as a green sour feeling that can be felt physically through the heart and spreading to the rib cages and numbing the chest area. But this sensation seems to stop just under the surface of the skin, and like a wave current, it splash back, making its flow back to the heart, causing internal emotional injury. Heart wetching indeed.
Went down after work on sat, see whats the buzz about F1 racing. Although i only can hear the screeching noise of F1, the tail board of the fast machines, i then appreciate why is it worth watching for on the race track rather than on TV.
One need to search for appropriate grounds to get a shot on these vehicles. Without the tickets, i cant even get close to the venue. But even without a good view, surrounded by like minded people from different races, religion and from all walks of life, gather around, just hope to catch a glimpsh of this F1 cars, the feeling is quite high.
Secondly, one need to be patience to wait for the race to start. Also the right moment to take the shots. U can see people resting on the grass patch, standing around, bathing under the moonlight, admiring the view of the Singapore river, with their accompany of the loves one, awaiting for the F1 racers to pass by.
When the cars race pass the bridge, only the noise can be heard, and ppl began to record this screeching noise, not just me alone. Haha. The sound of the friction against the rubber tyres, "Vroom Vroom bom bom", i can imagine the fire spark coming out of the exhaust pipe...making turns after the bridge. There is a auntie asking "Where is the car?" Haha...i like to tell her the car is so fast and its view is being block by the bridge. But nevertheless, being there, hearing the noise with the company of these strangers, still bring goose bumps to my skin and experiencing butterflies in my stomach. I think this feeling cant be felt while watching the race on TV.
Finally have the initiative to get the paper near the last day. The administrator also told me they be mailing me a A4 size result transcript.
The foodcourts, library are renovated. There is a new cafeteria at level 1. And now, this temporary installement of a rock wall infrastructure. The title state " I have reach the top at SIM" ... it seems to hint to me in some way that I have make it out of SIM...haha.
I do not know that there is mini TV installation at the back of front passenger seat. First time saw this.
According to the driver, it seems this is a new cab and they modified the seat head rest by changing it with this monitor. Its meant for tourist to know more about this island. There are videos about movies...the rest i can't remember as its around 1am. I was in zombie mode.
She seems to be hotter after i come back from camp. Is it it has been a while i last seen her or indeed she has increase her hotness level? It can be just me.
Wearing hot pink in the inside with a almost opaque yet translucent white flowery imprint designer blouse...does leave room for imagination.
Today, she worn a classical cream white top with laces that tied around her waist, finishing with a cute knot at the back. For the bottoms, she worn a tight, short black office skirt. She seems to adjust quite frequently when she need to leave her desk. Perhaps its too tight?
Haha....it seems i need to go out meet more ppl is it? Haha...what if she read this, she may be think im like a stalker. Hazi..must get out of my system, cant share tis with my co workers...
Stalker, observer, indifferent or just plain normal? Staying indifferent, being inaction is the best optimum action...
Theres is a talk show which discuss views about dating, marriage on Channel U.
Discussion Focus is on singles seemly to be getting hitched at a later age and tieing the knot much later. Among the views exchange, there are views like:
People often stay in the dating stage, but never progress to marriage.
People are more focuses on building their careers. Not enough time to socialise, to meet new people.
Personal expectation of the opposite mate is too high and often ppl will reject many suitors as they are not what the person initially expected.
There will always be someone better out there then the one currently with you. Thus one may hestiate to progress or take the relationship seriously to the next stage.
How the current packages promote population boost, encouraging singles to get attached, how companies today practise family friendly policies.
Marriage is not just being life partners, but being best friends.
Personal Views I believe its a matter of choice to make time to seek opportunities to meet new people or get to know better of others. As for expectations, i believe is a matter of meeting more people, one will be able to gauge roughly what they personally actually want in their partners and what they know to expect realistically. Dating is often enjoying the romance of pursuit while marriage is just a official declaration to recognise this couple as husband and wife, a family unit.
Biologicially, i believe its the instincts or genes inside us that will spur us to look for the opposite sex to carry on our genes. Thus its perhaps logically to say that its natural to look for a life partner to settle down and set up a family.
Putting it in today context where the world is facing ever growing human population, it seems insignificant if lives are lost as there will no lack of humans to replace us. What make us unique is the intangible memories we left behind to the people we interact. Time will heal for the departure of the permantly loss and perhaps never be forgottened until this generation cease to exist or his/her works carry their beliefs, ideas that influzence the generations later and may so call be consider their "successors" as they carry on their work. The difference is their gene. But again, does giving birth necessary carry the identical genes to the baby? Or, only a certain percentage? But giving birth can also be based on diffent objectives. Perhaps subconsiously, it is simply to satisfy a compelling urge of reproduction that rest inside us? Our instinct?
What makes us unique in a social context is perhaps is only our financial contribution to the society. Whether will we be a asset valued by the system we created. Our career.
Psychological, perhaps we do want to rely on that someone that we know we can pour our feelings, commitments, troubles as its not normal to be alone for the rest of your life? But again, there are people who chose this way.
I begin to feel im talking nonsense again. Haha. Just random thoughts after viewing the show. Sianz...tomorrow go work, time to recap and stress is going to be back. Hope no aftermath disputes waiting for me to clear. But i also looking forward to see her face again. Just to see only. Y? Perhaps i have gather data that indicated i do not belong to the category of guys she looking for. And i also dont trust myself, my feelings. Cant find the apporpriate reasons to justify why do i feel this way. Excuse?
I have to say this ict, im one of the better offs, as in dont have to go outfield..but of cos, its not my character to "keng", just its instructions pass down that i do not need to...however sadly, as expected, i knew some wont see it these way. Cant help it...haha..cant be possibly pleasing everyone especially in army. In army, just follow law...dont have to act garang. Life is what you do outside...if u want to be productive in camp, just do what u suppose to do and enough and not necessary over do it as it doesnt pays.
Again, i have no right to question other's beliefs in the way they want to live their lifes in whatever aspect, but please dont enforce your beliefs into someone else...as its kinda authoritative parenting style...theres no 1 right way to live a life as viewing from yr perspective is as distorted as i view from yrs like you view from mine as we had different beliefs due to differences and interpretations in the dept and type of experiences and actions felt from this dynanmic open system.
Cant believe these 2 weeks i been away, financial world is in deeper shit. LEH declare bankrupt, Merrill Lynch kana sold off, morgan stanley now in talks, AIG kana bail out. And today, when i booked out, the stocks have a one day bear rally...and i have to miss it...
Morgan Stanley http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idUSPEK12205820080919 http://www.canada.com/calgaryherald/news/story.html?id=7edf283d-417f-4d8d-88dd-a1a7ef2e2bf0
Didnt expect myself to be more slack than the majority of the company...but still i didnt purposely "chao keng" and do what i suppose to do. Just that sometimes it does feel awkward looking at others doing stuff while im quite carefree.
2nite will be booking in again and is now down with flu, cough and headache. Hope i can get a status and miss the outfield...
Pleasant surprise was that my investments actually got a 10% paper profit...unbelieveable...after losing even more during the last couple of months. The system which i subscribe is working is it? I have to say, it sorts of provide a systematic way of looking into stocks, charting, price momentum, volume, price peaks and troughs to determine entry and exit signals. But a basic chart can do that as well rite. Yup, i agree, as long one follows the major trend and know how to utitlise basic charting tools.
Being experience in charting and trading, i was able to understand and appreciate where my bunks mate are talking when they share their views on trading. One issue we talk about is when to take profits?
Argument: Profit taking
He argues one will take profit when one has determine or expected the stock price to rise to this particular value.
My view: As my mentor say" Normal ppl will tend to take profits quickly and average down when the stocks plunge as its cheaper" Stocks are never like vegetables where u can get a bargain by buying in cheap. Its easiler to tear down a house than to build one. Stocks take a longer time to rally and shorter time to plunge. Think i begin to deviate from the argument.
The thing is its kinda irrational or a emotional decision to cut your profits by taking it now as it seems to hit yr expected price. How would one know, the sky is the limits. We had seen shares rise and break its previous all time high. I can only agree to take profits when it calls for profit protection when the short term trend is reduing yr profits slowly or inchining daily taking profits. Its best to determing a acceptable stop loss like 6 or 8% depending on the price of the stock. I learn this from my mentor.
I wasnt sure why but i feel like i want to look for a answer but thru a wrong approach. Sometimes when u search for the reason to like someone, you seem to know whats the answer, but the answer is never complete. Horoscope compatability seems to offer a alternative to provide answers.
However, how much of it will be true? Reflecting on myself, i do feel to a great extend, the behavioural and mental traits offered by the horoscope is true...but i not sure whether is it equally supported by others as well.
Not having the confidence to ask or have enough compelling reasons or motivation to push myself to make the choice or take action...makes me wonder the consequences of "what if" i do this and that or not doing anything.
Most likely she be here till next march...and she will move on. Her birthday is coming October.
Compatability between pisces and scorpio is a wonderful match...as search thru google...haha...but alone, based on these "general" information, is quite subjective as it doesnt consider other facets of reality such as appearances, habits..etc...and unique characteristic and attitude of the person.
I will be on block leave for 2 weeks but will be staying in camp to serve my duties as a male citizen...
I wasnt sure im looking forward to it. But it was happy to say goodbye to my work last friday...but i also will also miss something also by not attending work...
Going incamp, time to catch up with bunkmates, a time to take out our brain and follow orders blindly.
Hazi...going back will also hear successful stories, hear others calling their gfs, loved ones, asking one another when they are going to get attached...haha
I supposed when you have some1 you loved, when you go for ict, somehow u will miss them, thinking how they are doing, and will be looking forward to chatting on the phone, hearing their voices as if you are not in camp.
Looking forward, i think most probably, im going to miss her while im in camp, but i tried to restain from thinking in that perspective as it sounds quite nonsensical.
Natural birth vs Cersaren...a choice which most likely will be made by many mums to be when yr baby is due.
Above link shows a informative video, 4 parts, on America's way of birthing and how its the way of Cersaren or C-section has been chosen over the recently years dramatically and the ways of natural birth has declined. Be inform the videos shows scenes of giving birth.
Its definitely acceptable for me but it may be seen as horrified by others. So to this particular audience, if u think viewing people giving birth is gross, well you should see war scenes which is way bloodier and gross. Giving birth is beautiful.
This video shows many aspects of birthing in terms of the emotional and mental capacity to choose to go ahead with a natural birth to bear the pain...but it seems this pain...may be a worthly price to accept to bring your baby to this planet instead of the artifical one.
Cersaren based on the video, should not be chosen unless its really necessary. Question of necessary is based on what criteria then? In America, birthing is a billion dollars industry and going to natural birth will definitely bring profits down for hospitals.
Drugs administrated will not replace the natural cocktail hormones produced by the mum during the natural birth which will have a after effect on both the baby and the mother. Cersaren as what the one of the commenter mention, is carry out in hospitals like perrforming nail clipping, but its involves cutting 7 layers to get to the baby if i remember correctly and exposing risk to the mother in many ways. C-section is done to convinent the doctors and not to the mother and the child. Natural birth carries far lesser risks.
Well..there are many many more reasons...but of cos, we had to had 2 sides of the stories on which method is chosen, how well u trust your doctor, yr midwife, your personal health history and ultimately, you are the one who will experience the birth of life and be empower the responsibility to be a mother.
Think i also saw a few different natural births, one is giving birth in the water pool one just be sitting and other ways.
Trailer for this documentary:
Read ups or information abt this video: http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/
Questions came up when i was looking at the videos: Baby are submerged in the womb, which is like a water balloon. Thus, perhaps the reason water birth is also one of the alternative ways also. Does the baby in the womb breathe througth the code that links to his/her belly button? Haha....well think i can search the answer thru Google.
2nd, how abt this island im staying. What percentage of births here are carried out in which way? How many are actually opting for home birth?
3rd, natural birth in a hospital, is it still define as natural. How do one define natural. I recall according to the video, lieing on the hospital bed with legs lay on 2 stands apart...this position is not natural...but if this methods is accepted as the way to give birth in hospital..is it still consider "natural" if no artifical means is induced despite the wrong position? But in the first place, there is no right and wrong position, only the mother will knows right?
The purpose of sharing this is to be aware of various alternative information. Advice by experts may not be the best intention of the people you truely want to benefit. And im no medical expert nor a mid wife. Haha..so dont quote me. Simply want to create awareness.
HAhaha...well, i agree to this sentence. I'm a square. I took the liberty to understand what does Ms Atas meant by "Square" since i believe it meant differently when used to defined with different prepectives such as the human character, behaviour, beauty and etc. When i hear it, i can't really comprehen the word at that time as it means so many things. Well, although it can be worst, but i glad i able to hear a slice of her inner thoughts.
Got a Resolved answer from this question: What does being a square mean?
1. Meant people like your parents, old fashioned, fuddy duddy, not "with it", not trendy (or as we thought at the time!).
2. It means not being fashionable, not conforming to latest trends. It's a very 1960's word!
3. It means someone who is dull or conventional, and who sticks to established rules.
4. Being proper/a prude. Prude? The name is generally considered to mean excessive modesty, and hence unflattering, and is often used as an insult.
5. being a loser, or weird
6. A noticeably unhip, mainstream individual, a straight. Someone either ignorant or disinterested of underground subcultures. The antithesis of a hipster.
7. means you're a prude.... someone who can't have fun or isn't in the main stream of things......
8. Means a geek, nerd, dork. Someone who is dull, boring , never does anything exciting ; never breaks any rules; does'nt smoke, drink,cuss etc.
Yap, finally found a better word, prude. Sometimes i do feel i purposely being a square, cos its hip to be one. Who am i kidding? Haha.
In a positive note, at least i know my impression on her, and i already know i am, just cant be bother to care and also along with other excuses to be a square. Well, its the truth.
A typical underdog among the 6.6 billion homo sapiens who seeks to spend its remaining time to bring happiness to his loved ones. Constantly questioning how much and when is enough to attain a balance of success n happiness and to define one's purpose of existance instead conforming to unspoken society's pressures n norms.
