Fear of relationship

Received a couple of mails from the Speed date application. Some are too good to be true. But i didnt reply any of them. If theres no intention of replying, why do i bother to try out the program? If i do have a interest, why isnt i doing anything? Is it due to fear?

Found a respond in this link :http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080118003500AA0Pn1a&show=7
Qn:
Do you ever fear falling in love/being with another person because you have no idea how long its going to last and your'e afraid of what will happen emotionally to you if something goes really wrong in the relationship?

Reply:
We can't live our life in fear. I am almost 25 and never let myself get attached to anyone for fear of it not lasting or getting hurt. But then I realised life's too short. Just go with it.

Superfical m i? or its human?

From Flirtable to Speeddate, a recent application i added to facebook. No harm trying right? Browsing the profiles, its becoming alarming to me that if i do not take action, perhaps i really become a balchelor, haha...maybe its what i want to be, is it?

Looking the photos, skipping those that doesnt appeal to you, make me wonder am i superficial? Or its just plain human instinct, being attracted to the better looking sex. Even so, i also hold back from taking action, because i dont have the confident. Haha..battle is defeated before it was fought.

Rejections, i dont handle it well. But if you dont fight, dont try, how to gain experience, and figure whats suitable for you?

Is it a society/ peer pressure when you come to the ripe age to find a partner to settle down? Looking at 30s plus people posting their profile on line, i being to wonder that when I reach this age, will i be desperate, begin to seriously start this search? If the opposite gender till this age not attached, what does this mean? They are picky? They are not pleasant to the eyes? Their attitude are difficult? Other more reasons? Or is it its my eyes and mental perception of their photos that make these assumption, so im the ugly one?

Even those who looks appealing, one need to get to know their inner self, their character, attitude, likes and dislikes, habits, to know if 2 can complement one another and stick by each other. It takes more than 1 photo to establish this relationship and keep it real, but we use the photos as 1st step to place our bet.

Neighbourhood Club

Went to Yishun Safra with the company of ZR. Went to check out the facilities, determining whether is it worth it to be a member.

This particular club asides having bowling/pool, fruit machine, acarde, swimming pool, gym, tennis court, air rifle indoor range i think, indoor and outdoor rock wall climbing, and some dare devil facilities such as parchuting, tree top crossing and many more.

Only went swimming and enjoy the jacuzzi. Turns out the hot shower at the changing room is warmer than the jacuzzi. Weekend swimming at the club house is definitely less pack with females coming in the later hours, but with their boyfriends i think haha. But not worth for non members or guest, which need to pay almost double as compared to public pools.

Rock wall

To use this rockwall, need to take up course. Noobs can still use the indoor rock wall. The belayers are actually not instructers, its their own friends. So need kaikis if want to be spiderman.
Canopy walk

20bucks to experience walking on ropes like circus. These are 2 brave gals, younger than me i think.

Think its a one stop destination for one who love these activities to keep their mind away from work. Think its a matter of time when I will get tired of these exploring. Question is when will i stop this search.

Backview of a Mosquito killer

It's last meal b4 the killer squash it


Thats all folks, What i learn 2day: Mosquito drink man's blood, man kill mosquito if it become too drunk with Bloody Mary.

Night at the nearby beach

First time going to this neighbour beach after these years. Due to the rain, I have to wait till evening to make my visit. Purpose of visiting was to explore what fishing gear is normally used and what is caught in this fishing spot. What equipements do they bring along? I was kinda interested to fish and hope can try out in this nearby fishing spot.

The bus waiting interval is long, abt 20mins Thus i miss the sunset by the time i reached there. Despite the down pour, the park was still lively. The main crowd was concentrated at the jetty area and nearby bbqs pits. The rest of the park was actually quite deserted. People went there mainly for bbqs, fishing, camping. Not much cycling is sighted, perhaps there was no bicycle kisok.
Side view of the jetty

Green Dim lights on fishing rods to signal catch

Fishing rods were planted in columns along the beach, with dimmed lights on the poles to signal a catch in this darkness. Near the jetty, there so many tents cramped together, resembling a refugee camp. Think they belong to the hardcore fishermen who set up their crab traps and fishing lines.

They check on their crab traps and lines, replinish the bait, placed their catch in coolers and buckets. Baits used are squids, half cut raw fish. I wasnt able to make out what they caught, but peeks into their buckets show mini crabs which will fit within the size of your palm, and a handful of medium size fishes. Thick coloured threads with plastic bags, styrofoam, tied to the jetty perimeters. Any movement from this, will signal the fisherman to come out of their tents to pull in the trap.

The jetty platform is uneven, some planks were creaking and I can instinctly feel that it's breaking apart. I worry for the kids that were running across the planks. There exists the possibility that their feet will be caught by the large gaps between the planks and they will fall flat. The park is also poorly litted and kids were tripping over tent wires pitch on the ground. Ouch!
Tents

Most tents are pitched near the beach, near bbq pits, near pavilions. A few tents were pitched in the dark where there is no street lamps nearby and was distanced from the main crowd. Hmm...maybe couples pitch there to hanky panky.
Shipping yard

There are police officers guarding the park and the nearby shipping yards perhaps. The drizzle last till 830pm. With the cold wind blowing and wet pavements, people tend to hide in the tents, parvilions, enjoying their food and hopefully company with one another in this wet weather.

I wasnt able to visit the hotsprings and a "bottle tree" restaurant. Duno how to walk there in this darkness and quite wulu. Have to wait till next time then go visit.

Hazi...conclusion, not really a place to fish in weekend. Quite crowded at the jetty, hardly have space to throw a line and monitor. Maybe weekdays can try. 1 has to buy a fishing pole to throw the line along the beach shore. Line fishing dont think will be able to work there effectively unless its thrown at the jetty.

Wrong jigsaw piece

Nearly passed my test 2day. Maybe im the first to take this test 3 times, perhaps more. Strangely, i sort of see this coming, but i still not ready to accept this as evidence that im not make for this line.

Test, exams, has been the tool to screen the masses whether who are qualified to make it to the next level and filter those who are not capable. This time round, theres sufficient evidence I belong to the latter group. Kinda hard to swallow this reality. How can i not pass a 100 mcq test where others pass it like a breeze. Reminds me of my A levels, being left behind while the rest moves on with their lifes.

Can i use this as a one of the signals that i aint suitable for this role? There had been many signals, but i interpreted as im still learning, but i can also interpreted it as im trying to fit myself in a jigsaw puzzle that doesn't belong to the same picture.

But then again, isn't life not about your work, your career. We use work as a identity as we spend almost all our awake hours working..leaving 1 or 2 days to spend time doing what matters to us, just us alone. So why shld i be bother about this?

Think too much

What a day to start. A heart shape post it from a chio office collegue left me a message "cant remember the content", mainly is telling me she left a in tray out tray divider for me.

Perhaps she had seen my desk had been in a mess with papers everywhere, thus help me to get a tray. Haha. Think too much. But no harm thinking it this manner to brighten my day. :)

Frequently during lunch time, i will went out with another collegue to lunch. He is quite a explorer. After makan, will walk around the area, from 1 end to another, venturing into wulu spots, nice relaxing places.

This time round is the best, we went to GIC, Capital land building i think. Happen to spot another friend, but only get to see her back. What a concidence. Of all places, i will spot her on the 36th floor on this building at this precise time. If not, i wont not have know. Is the fate? haha...i always like to reason random happenings this way....our infinity has not end.

The couch are cosy, the environment is dimmed. Nice place to sleep, relax. All it lack is smoothing music. Check out the window view from the 36th floor.


Hmm...shld have taken a 3 shot piece to put them together into a one big photo of that view. Haha...maybe time to invest in a camera.

Walkathon

Went with ah bao on an unorganised trip, just walking aimless around unfamiliar areas. Hoping to spot some treasure and jewels in the travel. This is a trip not for ppl who do not wish to sweat, who mind walking around with no objective, no purpose, it can be a trip like walking in a middle of nowhere under the sun, drenched by the rain... Things we discover while travelling...

Spotted some people using fishing lines, catching fishs found in the big canals. They simply move the line in a up and down manner, to entice the fish to get hook. I dont dare to take photos, cos they are foreign workers. Worried about them questioning my motive of taking pictures. Once they got the fish, they will grab it and run to their home in a nearby low storey building. The buildings look kinda run down. I took a peek at inside and saw the stairs they used. It reminds me of the stairs in those old buildings seen in "LU SUO NANYANG" drama.

A bird caught my eyes. Tried to be a national graphic photographer, i use my camera phone. The bird turned up to look like an egg in the shot. Also seen cranes around the area. I remember seeing these white cranes near the shallow waters of pulau tekong.
Need a better camera Ah bao at the factory building outside
Passed by a factory warehouse which offer discount prices on clothings. They carried a variety of brands from g2000, nike, adidas, fifa and more.

Deserted house
There is also a house beside the warehouse. Looks like a malay heritage building. There is a nursery beside this building which also look spooky in daytime.

Found a obstacle course centre with rock climbing facilities, an low wall with artifical grips (quite low), a firefox like structure and other stuff at a nearby town council community. Didnt know a neighbourhood town council community will have these facitities asides from Pasir Ris and East coast park.

This structure actually has a wire attached to another end of a identical pole. 1 is suppose to walk on the wire w/o falling. Think if some1 can do it, may as well join the circle. haha.
This journey took around 6 hours of walking time. Along the way, we discovered Superbowl center with arcade games at 50c per game, 3.8 buck per bowling game at weekend and pool in 1 center. Also went pass famous Pungol nasi lemark stall with long queue comparable to those at Singapore Pool. The rice smell nice. But we didnt stop over to eat. Maybe we are too exhausted from the mindless walking.

Whats the purpose of the journey i ask myself to justify my time spent? Perhaps we just want to instill some random adventure by exploring areas we hadn't came across before to satisfy our instinct of adventuring like our ancestors did.

Niu qiang ren

Got a great news 2day. A close friend i known just opened a business. It was shocking as she has many things on her hand and she chose to take on this challenge. Haha. This is her. Always diverting her energy and time to her goals, not only to her other duties.

It's good that she have the support of her family. Hope her business will take off, break even and return her investments and returns.

Hi

It was raining. As usual, i maneuver in a fast walking pace among the human traffic. For the 1st time, i met my mentor on the way to work...a collegue who help me alot..more than others...i can feel her sincerity and patience for teaching me despite my stupidity. Haha, guess im lucky.

I slowly walk behind her back and then stroll beside her. "Hi"

Her surprising or shock impression is worth to see. At the same time, i catch a glimpse of her smile, with her eyes turning her attention at me.

This moment leaves a lasting impression...cant help recalling her expression. Seems to be a gd reason to go to work 2mor...haha..what m i thinking (smack my head)..doze off to zzz

3 mins of enthu or serious?

Been sick past 2 days, sian...feel weak, still got burdens in my mind abt my work, test and ippt..crap man. Been 2 months in the rat race, time to get on some adventure to break up this monotonous life style.

Have tried playing electric guitar, but gave up due to other priorities and no cash flow, haha. Now beginning to habour thoughts about trying out water recreational activities such as kayaking, then perhaps to other advance water activites which require to take some courses.

Surprising to find, even kayaking, there's courses to be taken such as One-star" certification" to rent certain kayats.

1 can go to kayaking centre at MacRitchie Reservoir called "The Paddle Lodge" to rent kayas and row within an area. Quite restricting i feel, but its for the safety of the public.

Sailing will require paper test, learning of knots, practical training for a period, think 3 days, costing about 200- 300 plus. Sounds tough.

Clubs i search which provide these services are quite few and the training areas are far, mostly at the south, west side, like kallang, marina, bedok, pungol. Haha..duno got energy to go there...lazy

Clubs for water recreational activities

Saf yacht club http://www.safyc.org.sg/about.html
Water venture http://www.water-venture.org.sg/
PUB http://www.pub.gov.sg/home/Kayaking.aspx

Clubs for out door adventure (treking, climbing, cycling)

http://www.sac.org/index.asp

Wait till i get better, cleared all the stupid test over by the 20th of march...then i seriously take up these activities.

Broken telephone

For the 1st time, i did so much calling to clients that it took me half a day to complete the list. I feel like an machine, but a broken one.

Since lunch, i has been doing a non stop calling marathon. Eyes fixed to the flickering monitor screen, ears listening closely to the phone, fingers strolling the mouse wheel, sitting hunched under the aircon on the red cushion chair.

Random calls and instructions are bombarding at me, and i need to stay alert to know whats the order and not to lose track of my own priorities. Multitasking and priorites task management is a skill to have and sharpen in this line.

Despite finishing the duty late, it wasn't done accurately due to my intention to call so many clients before the cut off timing. Damn. What a mistake! My collegue had to verify with me about my work. Feel so paisey.

I knew im going to be sick. My nose is stuffy, coughing randomly, my eyes feels warm and my throat is dry, my head is druming. Feel like taking an mc on monday, but if i do that, if something wrong goes wrong on the work i done on Friday, no one will know what exactly happens as its my own duties. Thus abandoning my team like this is not my style. Perhaps i stay for half a day, if everything is fine, then i proceed to take a half day..haha. Ready for the chopping board.

I still not ready to handle this amount of simple work load by myself to maintain at the utmost accuracy with the pace of work accumulating per second. What a let down.