how did i get here?

"how did i get here", a book i borrowed, which i hope i can seek my answers to questions.

My collegues had asked me a few times, whether do i enjoy working here, haha..looks like to them, i do hate working. But isn't this the position you want to be, initially?

Haha...achieving your dreams, living your dreams are 2 separate issues. If you want to be a dealer, a chef, nurse, doctor, lawyer, each has its own difficulties...

shld i leave...i'm not sure...i much wanted to leave, but i duno where to turn to, where should i go, having know myself i cant be as free as a bird if i stay in this industry. Being sandwitch between the corporation and client, some can take it, some cant.

I'm too stiff for this industry, perhaps, its the mentallity thing, emotion aspect about myself that makes me unsuitable for this line of work.

Twisted

Movies like hannibal series, talented mr Ripedly, SAW, anime such as Death note, Code Geass all consisted of twisted minds with their own sense of justice, what is right, what is wrong, having power or i have to say, having the decisive and determination to do accordance to what they want.

But not only that, they manage to escape the law, the boundaries that is set by unspoken and accepted social and legal law with their strategic mind, plotting against each other, see who will have the final checkmate.

Although its just a movie, frictional make ups, it does reflect realtiy of society, imprefections of the human created law, corruption of utmost power by means of money, information, status and moral values.

Moral values in the sense that to protect individual self interest rather than for the sake of the group. Selfishness vs Selflessness.

The law can it be impartial, unbias...regardless of all human beings. How true is this reality...

I believe in human are born selfishness but will seek those with power for survival. N those with power, bending the majority population with lesser power to their will, achieving their objective.

This is what i related from this movies..for now

Sincerity

Match.com.sg sucks..haha...the website is always difficult to connect, error here, refresh and refresh again.

Tried another matchlovelink.com...the website doesnt hang..so far..but u need pay fees to have email, and chat..other is just plain clickin on the profile and let the other party knws ur interested..tats it.

Really get to know the desire man or dream man of the ladies in the websites. Got look for Andy lau one, princess, sugar daddy..haha..okok..only a few.

Some are direct" Plz if despo plz dont call me..." something like tat..haha..

The rest quite normal...some photos does appear nice, with nice smile, but when u browse the other photo of the same profile, u ain't sure whether u like it anot...haha...really damn shallow..i just realise myself..a shallow person.

Nw, if i do send signal to the other party or parties...i need to be responsible for my actions, ain't i, to be sincere in my actions, that i really do want to know that individual, n not a moment of impulse, for the sake of randoming selecting all the "eye candies" or whoever which seems appealing to you.

Sianzzz...shld i click...

100 match?

hmm.. a list of profiles of eligible singles that match my interest and attributes send to my email from the dating site.

Kinda interesting to view the profiles, but it seems difficult to send an email to the party you interested...so its till up to the pursuiter to initiate. No pursuit for what you want to seek, then you want to wait there for ppl to initiate meh?

Even others who initiate, you may not be interested also. Even intiate, also have to c whether the other party wants to follow up anot or just ignore you based on the photo. Haha...Worry for what?

What if really meet, then how? What if it turns out that im not what i describle to me or not up to the percerived expectations as thought by the party. This cant be avoided, bo bian...must meet then know mah...Another point to note, im not the only guy with 100 percent match, there will be better deals in the site also. And if dont hurry, those you see "ok" ones, will be attached and wont bother to reply too.

Life is short, just go do it...time to transform, get a haircut, buy new clothes and pursuit new found interest. Rite?

Increase network

Duno y...haha...saw my friends, collegues, after work, can meet up with their loved ones, spending time with each other, seems to look forward after work. For me, it seems, after work, in the midst of the week, dont feel shiok, its only friday, then i look forward for saturday. But just for the sake that i dont have to go for work for the next 2 days, and nothing more.

Finding people within my network who share similar interest seems difficult and costly to maintain as well. Perhaps i shld switch to something more economic feasible to maintain, a lifestyle or recreational activity.

Recently join Meetup.com and match.com.sg. 1 is to find like minded groups within singapore where i can hopefully find kiakees to enjoy the sports, getting to know more about this sport im interested. The latter, is to expand my network, mayb to lose my "single" title i had held on for years since my last relationship.

This weekend, has caught my army mates, my friends, outside, hanging out with their gf, makes me feel like im not moving at this particular life goal, seeking a potential mate to settle down? Or just to feel loved, as a couple, that some1 not related by blood cares about you romantically?

Haha...is it a temporary rush, or a sign of my genes hinting me its time or its not to my advanatage to wait...but engage.

Time to transform i guess...hope to get some replies soon.

Pass my M1 test..shiok

Finally, i pass after the 3rd attempt. It was a relieve. Feels better than getting a distinction for my exam. The duration for the test was 2hrs, but i left early due to stomach upset and headache.



Treat my collegues tae tarik and milo. Later that night, my collegue treat me pizza. The inches i lose being to come back ...eating so much yet not moving around.

YIPEE!!! PASS Liao!!! Can realy enjoy my wkend w/o burden.

Enthu for work?

A job is for you to earn a living. Its seldom for people to enjoy working and satisfied with the pay.

Even i have to job hop, the new job most likely will have its own problems. Theres no perfect job except if you are the boss.

If 1 has to work to earn a living, the only time he/she has to work hard, is only when they have the energy and drive, once pass the age limit and years of struggling, will then perhaps they can command a higher price for the same amount or even lesser amount of work to be done within the same time. This is what people normally do i think, to get a bigger dough, just for the sake of survival.

How many people will actually like their job, their career? With high pay, comes with a price, with low pay, comes with a price as well..whether you enjoy the work process, is up to us how we to percerive it to be.

The temporary solution to psycho myself to get thru the day, is that i need to have a 2nd life, a identity, other than a work identity, to divert my energy, to ensure im not living for the corporation, but for myself...