Self Worthness?

Suddenly a feeling of uselessness overwhelm me. After finishing my last paper, it has been 2 months, yet i havnt secure a job. My goal has change since i begin my job hunting.

Initially went to P company, ZR(a friend) ask me to accy him since he ask the interviewer whether he can bring a friend. That time, i felt like a extra because i wasnt the one P company was asking for. Nevertheless, the no basic pay and its ok job scope dont appeal to me. And I thought i still have time till end of the year.

My 2nd interview was with another bank. This time round i went with ZR again, but it was a concidence. Amazing. However, after the interview, after a few hours i got home, i got my reject letter. Apparantly, my relevent experience and speech fail to impress the interviewers. I wasn't keen with the job, but it offer the incentive i looking for. Reflecting on the interview, i was kinda glad i wasnt accepted since i think i wont be able to cope with the pressure that came with the job.

My 3rd interview, my first "got it on my own" interview. I was happy. It was a famous bank, and the job was a position i was keen. Like my other previous interview, i prepare dilligently. Once i got there, the interview last only 10 minutes, compare to the others which last around 30-45min. It was short and i think i perform badly. Firstly, i thought i was keen on the job, yet when he describe the job, i knew what he was offering and i clearly know what i was applying, however it seems that moment it wasn't the job i looking for. Is it because of fear of doing something new and not being to be able to excel, or is it the pay (he quote $100 lesser, but i think live with it) or is it i think, i can get better offers than this price with this position in other banks? I left the place with a heavy heart and know thinking back, i should have be more enthuastic about the position. Im just a graduate, with no relevent experience. There are plenty of people who can easily replace me.

Now, its just a few hours before the 2008, and im still living off my aging parents. Sometimes i choose to numb myself by indulging in other activities...like my friend say once to me "It sucks to be you" (Although he didnt say it based on this subject, however, i can see this attitude applying in my daily life.

I dare not say im a unfortunate kid as i have a supportive mum who cares, a dad which i did not call him, i see him as a guy who bring home the bread (but its not a normal family), a smaller brother who i think he is still immature in his thinking. I have gone my own taste of achievement and failure which change my attitude in the past 25 years. And its still a long way for me to polish myself from a rough stone to hopefully someone who can support himself and his family.

Haha. Think i write all this down, so that i can reflect on my thoughts and convince myself "Hey, u been there, and u have the potential to make it, dont give up yet, because others havnt give up on u"

Its just a simple matter of getting a job, yet it had become a burden on me, because i cant get one. Haha, i have to admit im useless, incapable but i wont give up.