No more banking sector jobs!

I suddenly decided that i apply no more to banking related positions. Even if the dealer job is to accept me, it means i choose to decline it even if i have not employed. M i crazy? im not sure. i rather choose to do a 1.8k job then to join a reputable bank doing the same things. Is it because im tired of being rejected, too afraid of being ousted out being in this competitive industry? Or is it i not confident whether i have the capabilities i proclaim i can to commit and contribute to the company. I chose to be a shadow underlings who work for ppl that has the guts to make the big decision. I choose to be the underdog working in a position that is suited for a underdog, while i indulge myself in my own private business of trading, enjoying my pressure of analyzing, and refining my portfolio and trading system. Perhaps i be happier this way.